From my perspective of walking with the Lord for over
fifty years and seeing some things clearly, seemingly for the first time
ever, I’m surprised that the Lord can
still teach this old dog some new lessons.
I have been in a mano-a-mono battle with cancer for over
seven years. Looking back, it has been
more than eight years, but I was not aware of the diagnosis until seven years
ago this month. I’ve had months of
freedom from pain and thought I had conquered it, only to have pain slowly, and
sometimes quickly, return. The last two
months have been especially focused and if I just accept what doctors are
saying, it would be easy to move into fear, anger, self-pity. There is something about having every
movement filled with pain that cuts away extraneous thoughts and brings into
clarity what is important in my life.
Just today I had an amazing insight. At least it was amazing to me. And I’m sure it was not original with
me. The insight, boiled down to its
simplest form is this: pain sharpens
love. We throw the word love around too
loosely—expressing love for a certain kind of pizza or the latest movie, then
use the same terminology to say “I love my wife and my kids and
grandkids.” But the two kinds of love
expressed here are universes apart.
When I watch my wife suffer second-hand suffering as she
has to endure my groaning or sees the pain in my eyes (even though I try to
buck up and not let it show), I am overwhelmed with love for her. She has never considered herself a “nurse” so
there have been times in these seven years when she had to bite her lip, take a
deep breath, and change a yucky dressing one more time in the middle of the
night. That, THAT is one of the best
pictures of love I can think of.
The insight God gave me today is that “pain sharpens
love”. But it is not an automatic
outcome. Pain will sharpen and bring
love into clear focus IF we embrace it and bring it under the Lordship
of Jesus Christ. If, however, we do not
accept the Lordship of Jesus over our lives, pain becomes one more reason to be
angry and disillusioned with God. I know
so many seniors my age who rage against God, shaking their fists toward
heaven—demanding to know why God has inflicted some pain on their lives. The result of taking that path is bitterness
of spirit that blocks God’s grace and mercy.
They are left with an emptiness of soul and spirit that is truly tragic
to watch.
When I think of those who suffer persecution for their
faith, especially in other countries where Christianity is openly oppressed, I
stand in awe of their focused love of the Lord.
When I read accounts of pastors
or other church leaders who are thrown into the most horrible jail conditions,
deprived of basic health care for the torture they have to endure, separated
from family, living day by day wondering if their spouses and children have
enough to eat or if they are suffering persecution also—I am brought up
short. I hear their testimonies of
suffering, sometimes year after year, but how much they love the Lord and find
great comfort in the face of suffering, just experiencing God’s love surround
them. The darkest prison cannot separate
us from the love of God in Christ. If
that kind of suffering only sharpens the love of God one can experience, how
much more should the minor suffering I experience getting out of my
comfortable, warm bed increase my love for the Lord and the love He shows me
day to day.
I choose to reject judgmental thoughts toward God. As an expression of that choice, I choose to
not be judgmental toward minor things that I have no control over. But that is where I need the prayers and
support of the Saints God has placed in my life. I need them to pray that I will experience
God’s grace on a daily basis to reject a judgmental attitude and embrace His
humility. If Holy Spirit will give me
that grace, I know pain will only increase love in my heart, love toward God
and the love I receive from Him.
